The following quotations never hit the airwaves but here they are just for you: ANDY ROONEY ON SEX!1. When I was born, I was given a choice: a big pecker and a long tongue “or” a good memory ... I don’t remember what I chose.2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.4. Impotence: nature’s way of saying, “No hard feelings...”5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - ‘don’t’ and ‘stop’, unless they are used together.6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.7. There are three stages in a man’s life: Tri-Weekly, Try Weekly and Try Weakly.8. Virginity can be cured.9. Virginity is not dignity, it’s lack of opportunity.10. Having sex is like playing bridge - if you don’t have a good partner, you better have a good hand.11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dial were too small.12. Marriage is the only war where you get to. What a day! At least the guy on the phone had stopped giving orders and the fire in my butt was slowly going away. I looked at the time and felt a new panic; my husband would be home in two hours and I was lying here naked and covered in cum. I rolled over, picked up the bowl, poured the pee away and the door bell rang. I was going to ignore it but the voice came back: ‘Answer it as you are.’ I ran and opened the door. A man in a delivery guy uniform stepped in and shut the door. He took a box cutter knife from his bag and cut the string around my neck. ‘Turn around.’ His hands reached around my neck and I felt something cold against my skin. For a second I thought he was going to slit my throat but then there was a tiny clunk and I felt a collar fitting neatly against my skin. ‘All done,’ he said, slapped my bum, turned and shut the door behind him before I could say anything. We have a mirror near the door so I can see myself before I go out. I turned to look and there was a.
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